“Am I making you angry?”
A charismatic salesman, 2020
In 2000 I had moved from the UK to Australia, where private share ownership is extensive, at least with the land my birth. Drawn in by the possibilities I quickly convinced myself I could become a millionaire by playing the stock markets. I scouted the vendors of trading systems and trading technology, attending umpteen free seminars and sucked up as much knowledge as I could. Before long the sellers all seemed the same, each trying convince greedy fish like me that they were the one who could make me millions, they were the one who could sell me the right trading system or trading tool. About three months into my journey I attended an event, and the guy leading this one was different. He seemed more honest than most, transparent about the downside, and left me with a pilosolpy for trading that I have since applied to other areas of my life: “don’t ask yourself how much money you have made, instead ask yourself, ‘did I trade well?'”
He was personable, transparent, and offered more knowledge than most over a series of evenings, at no cost. By the end of the second evening I felt as though my training in technical trading systems had truly begun. The same group of people were showing up each night, and the atmosphere was one of intelligence and good humor. About an hour into the third evening, in which our speaker was passionately talking about how much money people were making, and how little tax people were paying in the process, he asked me wrong question, “Am I making you angry!” In that moment his spell was broken.
I hadn’t even realized the extent to which my pre-frontal cortex being bypassed; it can be hard to think rationally when we’re in thrall to our emotions. It took a violent jolt to throw me beyond their event horizon, the jolt in this case was anger, because I really don’t like getting played. It must have helped that I was even more angry with myself for falling for the slick salesman.
Thankfully I spent no money. I later found out his eager acolytes, those same people whose companied I had enjoyed across the series of knowledge sharing sessions, were spending weekends on the share trading salesman’s property out in the country, developing his site as free labor.
That ability to step outside of ourselves is something I have tried to cultivate ever since but it’s of no use unless you’re self-aware enough to know that you need to do so. Leaning in to my emotions, whether they be fueled by an intense relationship or the discomfort of an intense workout, has proven a helpful radar. By immersing myself in the emotion, putting colors or sounds to them, feeling their sensations physically and engaging in genuine curiosity, I seem to form a bridge from the heart to the mind, allowing me to apply a modicum of intellectual engagement. Now I don’t get so angry. Instead I try to get curious.
