One of the greatest dangers to which employees can fall prey is thinking of their company as a person.
Businesses do a good job of building personalities for themselves – they may be ethical, honest, or socially responsible. They may value honesty, quality, and integrity. They might describe themselves as ‘families.’ Management in these companies might say, “people are our greatest asset.”
We identify with people who are like us, and who share our values, but companies are not people. Would you ever tell your mother or child they are now surplus to requirements, and that you intend to permanently sever your ties with them because you need to weather a downturn / maximize shareholder return / ‘pivot?’
Framing the relationship we have with our employers is important for our own health. Many of us have become bitter when friends do not invest in a relationship to the same extent we do. Perhaps we are always the one calling them, or we are the ones who coordinate gatherings, but when there is an imbalance we only have ourselves to blame.
We feel bitter because we have failed to protect our boundaries. When we don’t protect our boundaries we end up over-investing in a relationship in which we don’t receive enough in return to sustain us. What we receive does not necessarily need to be proportional to what we give, but it must be ‘enough.’ If we end up giving too much, we are, through our own actions, choosing to deplete our energy. That is on us.
“Resentment is like drinking a poison and then waiting for the other person to die.”
Carrie Fisher
Just as it’s important for us to recognize the energy we give and receive in relationships, it’s important to do so at work. Sometimes a company will do more for us, and sometimes we will do more for a company. There will rarely be total equality in the relationship, but there ought to be a healthy balance; you need to derive ‘enough.’ Correct framing can help.
I see the companies and organizations that employ us not as people, but as communities of like-minded individuals. (I think I may have picked up this perspective from Adam Grant.) This helps me with my tendency to overly anthropomorphize – which I more commonly do with animals, when I hold imaginary conversations with them. These communities may endure for some time but they are artificial creatures, and ultimately they are temporary affairs, even though some may endure for many years. They were created so people could come together in pursuit of a common goal.
Reminding myself that an employer is not a person is part of the solution. The other tactic I employ, and the more important one for me, is to remind myself of the relationship I have with this company. I want to belong, I want to add value, I want to feel valued but, rightly or wrongly, what I actually have is a business agreement with a legal construct. Cultivating the image of myself as a corresponding legal construct brings balance to my perspective of the dynamic.
As a business I need to know my purpose. When I’m not sure what that is I pick one that seems to make sense until I learn more about myself and my environment. Regardless of my purpose I try to remember my business is to solve a problem at the company, for as long as remains economically viable – for both parties to the agreement – to do so.
I spend time cultivating my brand, and setting up my ‘shop window’ – my LinkedIn profile and personal website. Every day I try to hone my craft.
“I don’t care if you become a brick layer, a doctor, a plumber, a lawyer, a carpenter, an accountant,… just get a trade you can always fall back on.”
My parents
Too often I have ceded my fate to my company. I expected them to look after my training because I believed it was in their interests to do so.
CFO: “What if we pay to train them and then they leave?”
CEO: “What if we don’t train them and then they stay?”
Variation on a quote by Richard Branson: “Train people well enough so they can leave, treat them well enough, so they don’t want to.”
The advice I share is born from over-investing in relationships over the years, including, sometimes, the organizations for which (not ‘whom!’) I have worked. Ceding responsibility for my destiny isn’t good for the company, and it hasn’t always been good for me either. I hope my experience can help you in your own business, by becoming your own business.
